haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
