No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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