Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
