i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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