i think my tv is drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
