The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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