it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
where am i from again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
