my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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