I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
