she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
