Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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