U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
