I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
