You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
