I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
