omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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