I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
