I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why do cheetos always look like penises
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize