**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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