I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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