did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
