thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
