Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
