i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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