just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
