i don't like sucking hair
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
