I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
