Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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