Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
