I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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