you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
