Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
