Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
