God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
