Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
