I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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