I faked an abortion last night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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