Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
