im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
