btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I look better un-naked...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
