I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
