Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
