"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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