I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
zippers are such a cool invention
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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