I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
