remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Still dying that you shit outside
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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