Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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