I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
