I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
