This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize