So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
