Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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