he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I just sharted jello shots
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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