I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
