My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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