While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
