Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
