i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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