Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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