Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
