i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
