Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
