They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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