I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize