I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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