Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
being pregnant is like rehab
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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