So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
