Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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