I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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