I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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