you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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