My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
