if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
